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[04 Jul 2008|04:36pm] |
I am blogging from the office. So I have finally buckled, very unprofessional I know. But I haven't exactly been the most utilized intern around.
This morning at the office, I made myself a warm cup of tea, opened my laptop, replied several emails and browsed some articles on the Standford Daily before I finally felt like that was it - this place is simply way too cold for anyone's mind to be productive. I quickly read through the internship report I wrote yesterday to make sure it was OK to submit, made a to-do list and drew up a sketchy time-table of how I'd like to spend my remaining days at work. I don't have much time left, but I always work best under pressure so I'm sure I'll manage the brown bag just fine.
Spent an extended lunch-time walking around town. I realized how long its been since I've gone out with the intention to shop and shop only. A pity time wasn't on my side today, because that short stroll along orchard road really got me craving some bona fide retail therapy. I am going to spend a full day hitting the shops the first Monday after my internship ends. Its gonna be just the shops and me! I really prefer to shop on my own. I don't need to comment on stuff, exclaim about prices, ask for opinions on cut, colour, design or material, or if I should get the pumps I could wear everyday or the prettiest ever heels that I'm dying to have except that I'd probably wear them only occasionally. I love making my own purchasing decisions.
Besides, I don't particularly enjoy waiting for everyone else to fit clothes, decide on this colour or that design when I'm really geared for shopping. Otherwise, if its just a lazy day of window shopping at the malls, then I wouldn't mind some company of course. So I started thinking of what else I'd actually prefer to do on my own, and I couldn't think of anything else. You know I really need people around - human contact in the very least, but I suppose shopping (oh and blading at odd hours!) alone is my way of re-grouping.
There was a food fest going on at taka, so I bought lunch, sat down at one of the benches and watched the crowds pass by, thinking about what I've been occupied with of late, where my priorities stand at the moment and a little mish-mash of everything else in between. Its gonna be a struggle, but I'm determined to put them all down in words. By verbalizing or better still, penning my thoughts, I am assured that I know exactly what I'm thinking. And if you know me, you'd know I hate it when I don't know things. When I can't eventually find an explanation for something, it bothers me for the longest time.
There's been too many changes of late. I've been fighting battles in my own mind, desperately trying to find my equilibrium. Worse still, my days are threatening to race ahead and leave me behind. Daddy's leaving in a several months, Sheryl's technically moving out, I need to decide on my course of study and start appplying for schools and scholarships proper, do I still take my GRE and apply to the States too? I need to search for more CIP hours becos I'm too lazy to fight OCS, I have to convince mother not to get a RED car, and of course there's that silly brown bag. sighs. What else?
Whats good is that I think I'm beginning to stop promising myself things that aren't significantly important to me anymore, becos I know that eventually it'll never happen and I don't want to end up feeling bad about failing to accomplish it.
Anyway, there were two girls sitting on the bench next to me and I couldn't help listening in on their conversation about their best guy friends and why they can't be boyfriends - a conversation I've had countless times myself with various people. At the moment, I can't quite figure out who my best guy friend is though, I think it started becoming kinda blurry and fuzzy ever since I got a boyf.
So I thought about it for a second, and I guess what I look for primarily in a guy hasn't changed at all over the years - a quiet sense of strength and a loving, selfless nature. I like someone I can look up to, someone whom I know would do anything to keep me safe. Along the same lines, I've realized that if I love someone I don't have to like everything that they do/believe. I can be worried about parts of people, or dislike certain things about the people I love, but it doesn't stop me loving them, just like how I love the boyf.
Speaking of which, I have really really grown to love him.
all the little bits about him.
his cute little expressions.
his soft small hands.
his smell.
him.
just all of him.
sighs. Its quite disgustingly silly right, and quite out of place in what seemed like a sombre entry, but I can't help it since I started thinking of the boyf. :D And he really is the biggest change in my life recently. I always say that all relationships follow the same underlying principles and hence the same cycle. But right now, I just can't imagine the day we've both settled into a comfortable couplehood, I stop grinning at him for no apparent reason, my heart ceases to skip a beat when he appears, or my stomach doesn't do that funny wriggle when he touches my fingers. (:
Ok alright, I have alot more to say but I'm getting of work. WEEKEND. :D So maybe later!
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